In an effort to try and feel a bit put together, I recently went for a bikini wax. There's a place not far from my house that I like to go (although you'll see in a moment, apparently not often enough). My appointment wasn't long, but in the short time it took to take care of business, here's what went through my mind:
1. Why are they playing jazz music? Are they assuming I'm relaxed right now? A bikini wax is not relaxing. Playing Nora Jones doesn't make it relaxing. Let's just call a spade a spade and play something with a bit more punch.
2. When was the last time I was here? The aesthetician tells me, "It's been awhile..." Uh...Thanks. I know. But, really, it hasn't been thaaaat long. A few months maybe, but we're not talking years or anything here, and that itself deserves a medal.
3. Would I rather be having a pap smear? Would I be more or less uncomfortable if I was dealing with a plastic speculum right now? I'm still not sure.
4. How much is she taking off down there? I said bikini...not Brazilian right?? Did she just remove everything? Should I look?
5. Well, this is a yoga position I've never tried before. "Move your leg over here." "A little bit more." "Try to relax." It sounds like a yoga class in here. Maybe next time I'll just do that instead. At least the soothing jazz music would be a better fit.
6. My husband better appreciate this.